After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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