I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
