im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
