Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
