Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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