And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
