hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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