Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
