apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
