it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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