i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
