the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
