It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
