im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
