There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
