Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
