I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
