he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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