So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
