I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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