Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
