just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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