Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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