Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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