I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
