I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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