At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
