Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
