I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
