Swine flu. Run for my life!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
