he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
