Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
