i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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