Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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