no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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