At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
