you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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