all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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