Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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