She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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