she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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