Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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