I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
