she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize