I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
