Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
