i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
