Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
