WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
