That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
