and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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