Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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