evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
