Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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