I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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