why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
