as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
