He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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