my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
