I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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