I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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