I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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