so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
