brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
