i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
