My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize