And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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