I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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