Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
