u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
