a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
