Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
